Monday, June 29, 2009
Ok seriously, I am at a crossroads and for no apparent reason. My job is doing nothing for me, it's lost a lot of it's luster and it leaves me contemplating too often about what I should do. The coffee house seems stagnant, as much upside as there is, I don't feel like I have a lot of control or time to make a big difference. The kids are doing awesome but I want them to be happy and to make us happy and sometimes it feels like we're all driving ourselves crazy. What should I do right now? Is it the right time to make a drastic move? Should I stay put and wait for things to change? Is it the weather? I have had strange feelings and never know exactly what to do. Normally when this happens I shake it off and come up with a plan, some exciting new project or opportunity that leaves me excited and planning for the next step. I kind of don't want a new plan, got too much doin' as it is, just want to chill out and have fun. Here in-lies the issue. When it's time to "have fun" I'm getting frustrated and pressing. I can't seem to relax because the kids are relentlessly needing things and I feel obligated to acknowledge. I know people look at me like, "dude, these are the best years of your life" but you know what, Fuck that. My whole life are the best years of my life. I'm going to enjoy myself no matter what age I'm at. My wife wants me to start listening to some of her books and videos to gain some perspective, I'll try it but pressuring me to do so is also making me not want to do it. I've just lost a little purpose recently and I'm looking for something to put me back in action. Something I can get psyched about. For now I'm going to work on my relationship with the kids, we're close and I want to be able to tap in to that youth. I need some of their energy to rub off on me so I can just be happy about what I have. Maybe I have exactly what I want. Maybe I'm too worried about what I should want. Time to tap into the energy fields around and go on a journey. I'm going for it and I'm going in fast!!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
So we dropped our two boys off at day care today for the first time in theirs and our lives. It was difficult and I tried to avoid it but my wife quickly caught me in the act and insisted I be part of the process. At first they were cool with it but when it came time for us to depart they let us have it. They cried and complained and really got through to both of us in our hearts. My wife and I have stayed in contact today supporting each other and wondering how it will pan out. Of course we called and double checked and they said after the first 15 minutes they were playing together and having fun but it kind of seemed like a protocol response. I just hope they can gain from this and make some friends and learn a little everyday. I also hope they miss me and my wife like crazy so that when we are rich and traveling the world together they can appreciate the time. Life can provide these day to day occurrences that make you sit and wonder and remember. Everyone I've talked to today remembers their first time being dropped off to school or preschool and thats what made me realize how big of a moment it was. The boys are so great and have such a bright future in store, I am excited to be a part of it and can't wait to hear how today went.