Monday, March 7, 2011
I wish I could finish my own title, I wish I knew where I should go and what I should do. The truth is that I don't. I've changed now, permanently, and it's not clear what the purpose of this change is. All I know is that it is major. I have a new view of myself, my relationship, and my baseline. Can this be a good thing? Can this be destructive? Should I act upon my feelings? Should I persevere and take the road that makes sense? These are the questions that I have to answer. As much as I am afraid to answer them, putting them off doesn't fix anything. Do things need to get fixed? Yes, yes they do. I had some truly scary thoughts, feelings and ideas about what I should, could and will do. What I am sure of is that my children were born to teach me, learn from me, and share my world with me. They are the pinnacle of my existence, without them I would question my own existence and my own reality. In reading my last post I was able to step back in time and enjoy thoughts that were uncomplicated, clear and rational. Things are not that way now. Things are fucked! My heart hurts, my focus is gone, and I am not me. I look forward to........I'll let you know.